Tuesday, February 27, 2007

News presenters solve problems of obese child

24 hour News channel reporters today solved the problems of an obese eight year old, according to reports.

The 14 stone child, who was being mocked at school and was suffering acute psychological problems that drove his compulsive eating has benefitted from havintg his bizarre condition repeatedly discussed by attractive journalists and news presenters.

Presenters as varied as Natasha Kaplinsky, Kay Burley, Anna Jones, Charlotte Hawkins and Jane Hill have made the poor, fat child a national celebrity.

Expert media correspondent Phil Miegob said "If there's one thing this severely emotionally damaged child needs, it's repeated exposure on National and International TV for his freakish and unnatural obesity. "

Hill, Kaplinsky, Burley, Hawkins, Jones and the obese kid they've helped

"I'm particularly glad he'll benefit from the fact that everyone he ever meets will have the image of his enormous quivering boyflesh seared into their retinas. Whoever asked the greasy tub of lard to take off his shirt for an interview so everyone could see exactly how gross he was made an inspired decision that can have nothing but positive consequences.

"Furthermore, the fact that attractive, educated presenters with no medical expertise have speculated on the hour every hour about the causes for his obesity has enlightened parents across the nation, and turned what could have been a simple freakshow into an informed debate on why lardy fat kids are so lardy and fat.

"We now all know that the causes for the freaky fat child's grossly overblown stomach could include eating too much, having crap parents, being a greedy little sod or being a bit mental. That's information we all need to know."

Charlotte Hawkins enjoys sport, in particular skiing and horse-riding. Kay Burley was voted What Satellite TV’s Most Desirable Woman on TV for three consecutive years. Jane Hill is a keen supporter of the arts, particularly theatre, and enjoys food, wine - and going to the gym. Anna Jones is a well known business journalist. Natasha Kaplinsky is a well known dancer and journalist.

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